1. Abstract Void – Back to Reality 1/10
“Programmed, muffled and lacking originality, no wonder the person behind it remains anonymous”
2. Crystal Ball – Crystalliser 1/10
“I should have known when I read that they were initially known as Cherry Pie that I was in for a Warrant sized eye fucking, but nothing could quite prepare for the diarrhoea splatter that confronted me”
3. Marco Mendoza – Viva La Rock 2/10
“If you think this is quality hard rock, then you have my endless pity. I’d rather have piles than listen to this arse sore again.”
4. Chris Bay – Chasing The Sun
“I think I found a sneaking admiration that he was able to churn out such a horrible fuckworm with a straight face.”
“I should have known when I read that they were initially known as Cherry Pie that I was in for a Warrant sized eye fucking, but nothing could quite prepare for the diarrhoea splatter that confronted me”
3. Marco Mendoza – Viva La Rock 2/10
“If you think this is quality hard rock, then you have my endless pity. I’d rather have piles than listen to this arse sore again.”
4. Chris Bay – Chasing The Sun
“I think I found a sneaking admiration that he was able to churn out such a horrible fuckworm with a straight face.”
5. P.O.D. – Circles
“I slavishly listened to all of Circles. More fool me. The rap-influenced metal is ghastly. The Christian lyrics make me want to hurl bricks through glass plate windows.”
6. Stryper – God Damn Evil 2/10
“I managed to listen to this one all the way through, but second helping had me screaming for my water to be turned into a vat of wine that I could drown myself in.”
7. Straight Terror – Between The Lies 2/10
“I love thrash, but this is awful stuff I’m afraid; if I wanted to listen to Kreator then I’d listen to the real thing. A pale imitation.”
8. Thorium – Thorium 2/10
“Having to struggle through the wailings of a singer who really needs to find another role in life required more anaesthetic than I had to hand.”
9. Midnight Force – Dunsinane 2/10
“If you want your metal full of sword and chains imagery and recorded underwater, you may fancy a bit of this. If you value your hearing, I’d give it the swerve.”
10. RSO – Radio Free America 2/10
“They may be talented virtuoso guitarists, but holy shit, this is dreadful. I’m sure that music for mothers is a thing – the equivalent of dad rock maybe? All I know is that Stief, who should have reviewed this, will get something very nasty in his sleeping bag at Bloodstock because of this.”
“I slavishly listened to all of Circles. More fool me. The rap-influenced metal is ghastly. The Christian lyrics make me want to hurl bricks through glass plate windows.”
6. Stryper – God Damn Evil 2/10
“I managed to listen to this one all the way through, but second helping had me screaming for my water to be turned into a vat of wine that I could drown myself in.”
7. Straight Terror – Between The Lies 2/10
“I love thrash, but this is awful stuff I’m afraid; if I wanted to listen to Kreator then I’d listen to the real thing. A pale imitation.”
8. Thorium – Thorium 2/10
“Having to struggle through the wailings of a singer who really needs to find another role in life required more anaesthetic than I had to hand.”
9. Midnight Force – Dunsinane 2/10
“If you want your metal full of sword and chains imagery and recorded underwater, you may fancy a bit of this. If you value your hearing, I’d give it the swerve.”
10. RSO – Radio Free America 2/10
“They may be talented virtuoso guitarists, but holy shit, this is dreadful. I’m sure that music for mothers is a thing – the equivalent of dad rock maybe? All I know is that Stief, who should have reviewed this, will get something very nasty in his sleeping bag at Bloodstock because of this.”
Paul S
10. Gravewards - Ruinous Ensoulment
"In the last few months, I’ve listened to quite a few albums whose sound is pretty much indistinguishable from this album. It’s a good album, but the band need to find their own sound, so they will stand out. They can clearly play, but they need an identity of their own if they are to have a future."
9. The Shiva Hypothesis - Ourobos Stirs
"The main problem I have with this album is that it feels a little lack lustre. I found, after a couple of listens, I didn’t really want to listen to it again. There aren’t any parts thats grab you and make you want to listen to it. The production feels a little off. As I said before, the vocals are too high in the mix, and the guitars don’t feel very organic."
8. Sacrosanct - Necropolis
"From a band that used to play thrash, this is a bit disappointing. The songs on this album all feel a bit lacklustre, about 10% faster and the album would be transformed, but the excitement never really arrives."
7. Green Death - Hallowmass
"According to the bumf that came with this album “Green Death are re-defining Thrash”, I have to take exception to this as, well, they aren’t.This isn’t a good album. If the band can concentrate on the bits that work; the faster thrashier music, and harsh rasping vocals, they really could have something. But this album really doesn’t work. I am relieved that I have now reviewed this album, as I now can stop listening to it!"
6. Allegiance - Beyond The Black Wave
"O.K. I’ll admit it, these guys have got some balls to rip off one of the biggest and best Black Metal bands of all time, and to tell people they are doing it (Emperial Black Metal) takes even more bare faced cheek. But I can’t see the point of this album. The few bits that aren’t nicked are lack lustre and lacking in imagination. The only good thing about this album is that it has reminded me of what a great band Emperor were. Just listen to the originals, they are so much better!"
5. Betrayer - Scaregod
"Scaregod isn’t a bad album. In fact it’s a really good piece of old school death metal. It’s just that it’s someone else’s really good old school death metal album. It’s a shame, as the musicians involved are clearly very talented. But, they have to find their own identity if they are to have any relevance at all. If you don’t know Morbid Angel, this will definitely impress you, but you’ll be much more impressed if you listen to the originals."
4. Tornado - Commitment To Excellence
"Unfortunately, it sounds like the less impressive output of American thrash. A lot of this album is a little lacklustre and generic. The band have a nasty habit of starting songs with nice, tight, fast riffs, but as soon soon as the vocals come in the songs slow down and plod."
3. Carbon Black - End Of This
"Everything that was unspeakably dreadful about Nu Metal is on this album, deeply over-simplistic music, with horrible vocals. This unmitigated tripe might have had some success 20 years ago when Nu Metal was big, but this probably wouldn’t have been taken seriously even back then. I’m seriously thinking of seeking therapy to help me recover from having to listen to it (maybe a Nu Metal survivors group). I’d like to make a personal plea to this band - Please stop, It’s not big, it’s not clever and no one is impressed by it."
"Everything that was unspeakably dreadful about Nu Metal is on this album, deeply over-simplistic music, with horrible vocals. This unmitigated tripe might have had some success 20 years ago when Nu Metal was big, but this probably wouldn’t have been taken seriously even back then. I’m seriously thinking of seeking therapy to help me recover from having to listen to it (maybe a Nu Metal survivors group). I’d like to make a personal plea to this band - Please stop, It’s not big, it’s not clever and no one is impressed by it."
2. Rebel Wizard - Voluptuous Worship Of Rapture And Response
"I’m sure when Bob told his mates down the pub what he was planning they thought it was hilarious. Bad power metal with loads of mediocre solos (and there are so many, very generic solos, which are also far too high in the mix), terrible vocals and overlong, not overly funny song titles, probably sounds amazingly funny when you’re pissed down the pub, his friends probably thought the idea was ripping! But this is material that just doesn’t work, and needs to be dropped. The fact that this project has produced 7 EPs and 2 albums in 3 years might be a clue to the lack of quality here. Maybe if Bob had only made one Rebel Wizard album in that time he might have made one good album rather than lots of fairly mediocre music. Then again, maybe he should stick to hardcore."
"I’m sure when Bob told his mates down the pub what he was planning they thought it was hilarious. Bad power metal with loads of mediocre solos (and there are so many, very generic solos, which are also far too high in the mix), terrible vocals and overlong, not overly funny song titles, probably sounds amazingly funny when you’re pissed down the pub, his friends probably thought the idea was ripping! But this is material that just doesn’t work, and needs to be dropped. The fact that this project has produced 7 EPs and 2 albums in 3 years might be a clue to the lack of quality here. Maybe if Bob had only made one Rebel Wizard album in that time he might have made one good album rather than lots of fairly mediocre music. Then again, maybe he should stick to hardcore."
1. MMMD Mohammed - Hagazussa A Heathens Curse
"If you are thinking “A tone that holds for a few minutes before fading? Hot Damn, that sounds like a party!!!”, then fair enough, dive in. But to me this is just wasted space on my hard drive; Pointless (which is what it’s going to get I’m afraid). "
"If you are thinking “A tone that holds for a few minutes before fading? Hot Damn, that sounds like a party!!!”, then fair enough, dive in. But to me this is just wasted space on my hard drive; Pointless (which is what it’s going to get I’m afraid). "
Alex
10. Shinedown – Attention-Attention
"Despite being significantly heavier than the last album, these songs feel forced to the point of parody. Meanwhile, the overbearing synth effects prove incredibly distracting. Attention-Attention is the cynical result of a band wanting to court radio appeal while maintaining their credentials of a hard rock band."
9. Therapy? – Cleave
"Badly performed and produced, to quote my original review of this album this is ‘’a sterile, thrown together and tediously dull, sloppy mess of an album, which doesn’t so much as deserve a place in the cesspit of worst of the year lists, as it does a space in the musical dustbin, where it can be easily disposed of and quickly forgotten’’
8. Deaf Havana – Rituals
"A massive disappointment, Deaf Havana strangely decided to rush out an album less than a year after ‘All these countless nights’, abandoning all their soulful and heartfelt Songwriting. In the absence of a substance or that Springsteen-esque quality which bought life to their early releases, we instead get lyrical pretensions’ and yet more unnecessary synths. I just hope there’s a care left in Veck-Gilodi and co."
7. Disturbed – Evolution
"And the award for most ironically titled album of 2018 goes to…Look, no matter what you think of the Sickness or Believe, they are undeniably important albums within the early 2000s metal scene. Despite every album being touted as a comeback, Disturbed have embraced devolution, clinging to the remnants of an outdated sound, while proving unwilling to take the risks necessary for a true return to form"
6. Muse – Simulation Theory
"Upon the release of simulation theory, I was saddened to find a collection of songs, constituting a pitiful attempt at an 80s throwback, while lying to rest the ingenuity and creativity which normally defines Matt Bellamy and co. I have seen some extremely polarizing opinions, some praising and others lamenting the new direction – believe me when I say I derive no satisfaction in my ardent distaste"
5. Atreyu – In Our Wake
"In our wake isn’t messy in a way which screams of a band reaching for the stars and falling short, Rather, every idea, every so-called experiment, feels hackneyed or betrayed, wither by squeaky-clean production, poor composition or terrible lyricism. Hardcore Atreyu fans, in our Wake, is best listened to with a hot water bottle and headache relief tablets at your disposal’’
4. Ministry – Amerikkkan
"I confess I have never been a fan of Ministry, yet I can understand why they are seen as juggernauts within the industrial metal genre. Yet judging by the reaction from fans, they are sorely disappointed with how the more recent output has stayed obnoxious while disposing of complexity and intricacy. Amerikkka is a mess of the poor production, embarrassing political sampling, and lazy performances."
3. Five Finger Death Punch – And Justice For None
"Gone are the days of The Bleeding, FFDP are now entirely focussed on appearing tough, championing a style of bro-rock which is impossible to take remotely seriously, and not in a charming way. Ivan Moody and his bandmates have become so lazy, so uncaring towards the thousands of fans who bafflingly still support them, that even their label sued them for ‘’shamelessly trying to cash in’’. Don’t let these overrated hacks embarrass metal any further."
2. Fall Out Boy – Mania
"Three albums into their comeback, it is clear Fall out Boy has stopped caring. Personally, Save Rock and Roll and American Beauty/American Psycho strike me as incredibly inconsequential and unfulfilling, though I always interpreted some potential hiding in them. Disappointingly, MANIA shows neither the passion nor the sense of risk-taking needed to create a revitalization or slow a steady descent into mediocrity and irrelevance."
1. 30 Seconds To Mars – America
"Perhaps to the disappointment of those invested in the early material, AMERICA exudes neither the show of talent nor the drive to create anything powerful. Even the various album covers, each of which has a list of something followed by a less-than-insightful footnote, should instead be captioned ‘one of a few designs we didn’t devote effort to’. The album panders hopelessly to trends while wearing its pretentiousness like elaborate set designs in a film robbed of any promise by the laziness of the performers."
10. Shinedown – Attention-Attention
"Despite being significantly heavier than the last album, these songs feel forced to the point of parody. Meanwhile, the overbearing synth effects prove incredibly distracting. Attention-Attention is the cynical result of a band wanting to court radio appeal while maintaining their credentials of a hard rock band."
9. Therapy? – Cleave
"Badly performed and produced, to quote my original review of this album this is ‘’a sterile, thrown together and tediously dull, sloppy mess of an album, which doesn’t so much as deserve a place in the cesspit of worst of the year lists, as it does a space in the musical dustbin, where it can be easily disposed of and quickly forgotten’’
8. Deaf Havana – Rituals
"A massive disappointment, Deaf Havana strangely decided to rush out an album less than a year after ‘All these countless nights’, abandoning all their soulful and heartfelt Songwriting. In the absence of a substance or that Springsteen-esque quality which bought life to their early releases, we instead get lyrical pretensions’ and yet more unnecessary synths. I just hope there’s a care left in Veck-Gilodi and co."
7. Disturbed – Evolution
"And the award for most ironically titled album of 2018 goes to…Look, no matter what you think of the Sickness or Believe, they are undeniably important albums within the early 2000s metal scene. Despite every album being touted as a comeback, Disturbed have embraced devolution, clinging to the remnants of an outdated sound, while proving unwilling to take the risks necessary for a true return to form"
6. Muse – Simulation Theory
"Upon the release of simulation theory, I was saddened to find a collection of songs, constituting a pitiful attempt at an 80s throwback, while lying to rest the ingenuity and creativity which normally defines Matt Bellamy and co. I have seen some extremely polarizing opinions, some praising and others lamenting the new direction – believe me when I say I derive no satisfaction in my ardent distaste"
5. Atreyu – In Our Wake
"In our wake isn’t messy in a way which screams of a band reaching for the stars and falling short, Rather, every idea, every so-called experiment, feels hackneyed or betrayed, wither by squeaky-clean production, poor composition or terrible lyricism. Hardcore Atreyu fans, in our Wake, is best listened to with a hot water bottle and headache relief tablets at your disposal’’
4. Ministry – Amerikkkan
"I confess I have never been a fan of Ministry, yet I can understand why they are seen as juggernauts within the industrial metal genre. Yet judging by the reaction from fans, they are sorely disappointed with how the more recent output has stayed obnoxious while disposing of complexity and intricacy. Amerikkka is a mess of the poor production, embarrassing political sampling, and lazy performances."
3. Five Finger Death Punch – And Justice For None
"Gone are the days of The Bleeding, FFDP are now entirely focussed on appearing tough, championing a style of bro-rock which is impossible to take remotely seriously, and not in a charming way. Ivan Moody and his bandmates have become so lazy, so uncaring towards the thousands of fans who bafflingly still support them, that even their label sued them for ‘’shamelessly trying to cash in’’. Don’t let these overrated hacks embarrass metal any further."
2. Fall Out Boy – Mania
"Three albums into their comeback, it is clear Fall out Boy has stopped caring. Personally, Save Rock and Roll and American Beauty/American Psycho strike me as incredibly inconsequential and unfulfilling, though I always interpreted some potential hiding in them. Disappointingly, MANIA shows neither the passion nor the sense of risk-taking needed to create a revitalization or slow a steady descent into mediocrity and irrelevance."
1. 30 Seconds To Mars – America
"Perhaps to the disappointment of those invested in the early material, AMERICA exudes neither the show of talent nor the drive to create anything powerful. Even the various album covers, each of which has a list of something followed by a less-than-insightful footnote, should instead be captioned ‘one of a few designs we didn’t devote effort to’. The album panders hopelessly to trends while wearing its pretentiousness like elaborate set designs in a film robbed of any promise by the laziness of the performers."
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